WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

FORWARD TO WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS

What kind of girl are you?

40% of girls in the world usually don't know who they are. The judgements made by their friends are not that accurate. This can help you make the correct judgement. There must strictly be NO cheating or the results won't be accurate. And if you're a guy, SHOO. You don't want to be a girl, do you?
Get ready a piece of paper and pen
Write 1 - 10 in a column.

1) What is your favourite colour?
a) Red
b) Pink
c) Yellow
d) Light blue

2) What is your favourite hang-out place with your friends?
a) Home
b) Shopping mall
c) Dinner at restaurant

3) What is your usual dress code?
a) Pants and shirt
b) Long flowy dress
c) Pajamas?
d) Cap, mini running shorts and singlet

4) If you had free time, what would you do?
a) Have a picnic with family and relatives
b) Throw a party with friends
c) Read a book
d) Play with your dolls

5) Name one of your hobbies
a) Photography
b) Studying
c) Dancing

6) What is your favourite genre of music?
a)Pop
b) Rock
c) Classical

7) In your opinion, who is the most important person/people/thing in your life?
a) *Him
b) Bank account
c) Family

8) If your mother gives you $50, you would...
a) Donate it to charity
b) Demand more, because it's not enough to get you the stuff you want
c) Give it to the bully because he/she says so

9) If the guy of your dreams asks you out the day before the exams, you...
a) Tell him to study for the exams first.
b) Just go out with him
c) Run away quickly

10) What is your favourite time of the day?
a) Afternoon
b) Morning
c) Night

Now for the FUN part...

1) What is your favourite colour?
-Red (brave)
-Pink (sweet)
-Yellow (fun)
-Light blue (carefree)

2) What is your favourite hang-out place with your friends?
-Home (simple)
-Shopping mall (crazy, fun)
-Dinner at restaurant (serious)

3) What is your usual dress code?
-Pants and shirt (simple)
-Long flowy dress (graceful, elegant)
-Pajamas? (sloppy)
-Cap, mini running shorts and singlet (atheletic)

4) If you had free time, what would you do?
-Have a picnic with family and relatives (cares, loves family)
-Throw a party with friends (wacky)
-Read a book (shy, hardworking)
-Play with your dolls (childish)

5) Name one of your hobbies
-Photography (creative)
-Studying (clever, mature)
-Dancing (graceful)

6) What is your favourite genre of music?
-Pop (fun)
-Rock (loud, crazy)
-Classical (relaxed, carefree)

7) In your opinion, who is the most important person/people/thing in your life?
-*Him (lovesick)
-Bank account (moneyminded)
-Family (lovable, sweet)

8) If your mother gives you $50, you would...
-Donate it to charity (helpful)
-Demand more, because it's not enough to get you the stuff you want (greedy)
-Give it to the bully because he/she says so (soft)

9) If the guy of your dreams asks you out the day before the exams, you...
-Tell him to study for the exams first. (mature)
-Just go out with him (naughty)
-Run away quickly (shy)

10) What is your favourite time of the day?
-Afternoon (cheerful)
-Morning (healthy)
-Night (dark, emotional)

A psychologist once said: 'Even if there is no God, men will invent one.' :)

On Mar 9, 2008, at 12:41 PM, gadgetman wrote:
Hey guys. I hope you are not turned off by the extremely long email list, but I really think this message is very intriguing. By all means, delete it if you find it rubbish, but I normally don't send mass emails. This one is really interesting. Hopefully, it doesn't end up in your junkmail, eh?

I hope this touches you as much as it did me, or least gives you something to think about as we go about 2008.

Enjoy.

'Let me explain theproblem science has with Jesus Christ.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students tostand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe inGod?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a moment.
'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student : 'From...God..'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student: 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice is confident: 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe inhim?'

'Yes.'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the studentreplies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. 'Professor, is there such a thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest-458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'
'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'
'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room.'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt theprofessor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity,the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

BUBUGAGA.